Hell Incorporated
You've probably heard that the Devil will find work for idle hands to do--that's still true, at least nominally speaking.
In practice, however, all human resources decisions have been outsourced to a subcontractor for the sake of maximizing profit and decreasing liability.
Satan isn't much of a micro-manager; In fact, these days, he's little more than a figurehead, and even that task isn't very much in demand these days. A rarely seen demonic entity doesn't have much of a chance when stacked up against your flesh-eating viruses and briefcase nukes. There are so many other more tangible things to be afraid of these days.
As Hell's managing director, it pains me to say this: Satan is a shadow of his former self. When a damned soul first arrives at the gates of Hades, they receive a meeting agenda. During the meeting, the same minor demons and hobgoblins piss and moan about one thing or another, and Satan is such a weak discussion leader that nothing constructive ever comes of it. The next morning, the eternally cursed find another meeting agenda on their desks, as well as several reminders in their email inboxes (Hell's inboxes are always loaded with spam--don't get me started). After lunch at the food court of Hell's outlet mall, they return for a follow-up meeting at which they're broken into committees...Now that I think about it, maybe the old guy does know what he's doing after all. Although he's contracted out sales, marketing, p.r., and greed, he can still torture with the best of 'em.
Fortunately, Hell Inc. diversified long ago, and although our largest subsidiary, Eternal Damnation Holdings, Ltd. isn't a household name anymore, we wield considerable power in the world's financial market and have controlling shares of most of the world's fortune 500 companies. It's a bull market for evil, and we're just getting started. If you've ever thought of investing in Evil, there's no time like the present.
In practice, however, all human resources decisions have been outsourced to a subcontractor for the sake of maximizing profit and decreasing liability.
Satan isn't much of a micro-manager; In fact, these days, he's little more than a figurehead, and even that task isn't very much in demand these days. A rarely seen demonic entity doesn't have much of a chance when stacked up against your flesh-eating viruses and briefcase nukes. There are so many other more tangible things to be afraid of these days.
As Hell's managing director, it pains me to say this: Satan is a shadow of his former self. When a damned soul first arrives at the gates of Hades, they receive a meeting agenda. During the meeting, the same minor demons and hobgoblins piss and moan about one thing or another, and Satan is such a weak discussion leader that nothing constructive ever comes of it. The next morning, the eternally cursed find another meeting agenda on their desks, as well as several reminders in their email inboxes (Hell's inboxes are always loaded with spam--don't get me started). After lunch at the food court of Hell's outlet mall, they return for a follow-up meeting at which they're broken into committees...Now that I think about it, maybe the old guy does know what he's doing after all. Although he's contracted out sales, marketing, p.r., and greed, he can still torture with the best of 'em.
Fortunately, Hell Inc. diversified long ago, and although our largest subsidiary, Eternal Damnation Holdings, Ltd. isn't a household name anymore, we wield considerable power in the world's financial market and have controlling shares of most of the world's fortune 500 companies. It's a bull market for evil, and we're just getting started. If you've ever thought of investing in Evil, there's no time like the present.
