It's So Hard To Find Good Divine Help These Days
God creating stars with the assistance of what appears to be child labour.
It's a well-known fact in western, capitalistic, nominal democracies, that market-based reforms inevitably bring the greatest benefit to consumers and, in general, turn society into a breathtaking utopia of peace and prosperity.
One thing, however, is holding us back.
The reform isn't reaching the upper echelons of power. For a change, I'm not referring to the president of the United States, but rather God him/her/itself.
I'm sorry to say it, but God has become rather complacent. Perhaps its because, in so many theological marketplaces, he faces no competition. In Norway, Christianity is the unchallenged state religion, and in Iran, God can sit pretty, knowing that his Islamic gig has cornered the market.
Adam Smith would not be pleased. It's time for reform. Here are my recommendations.
First of all, God needs to sell shares in his corporation. Sure, we've all heard about angels, cherubim and seraphim, and the community of saints, but they're hardly a board of directors. If shares of Heaven, Inc. were publicly traded, we could attract investment from previously disinterested parties. Those willing to cash in on tax-free lands deals, for example.
Secondly, privatizing Heaven would make this God character responsible for results. As it stands, you pray for something, and maybe you get it, maybe you don't. Their corporate slogan "God works in strange and mysterious ways" hardly instills confidence. If the phone company were to give me that kind of service, I'd take my business elsewhere!
As a fan of marketplace reforms, I was pleased to see that, at least in America, this God fellow is being held to account. Here's the article:
Judge Orders God To Break Up Into Smaller Deities
WASHINGTON, DC—Calling the theological giant's stranglehold on the religion industry "blatantly anti-competitive," a U.S. district judge ruled Monday that God is in violation of anti-monopoly laws and ordered Him to be broken up into several less powerful deities.
"The evidence introduced in this trial has convinced me that the deity known as God has willfully and actively thwarted competition from other deities and demigods, promoting His worship with such unfair scare tactics as threatening non-believers with eternal damnation," wrote District Judge Charles Elliot Schofield in his decision. "In the process, He has carved out for Himself an illegal monotheopoly."
Read The Article From The Onion:
